Confusion

I am confused . . . confused about God's direction and purpose. Confused about what we are supposed to do right now as a family.

I thought God was being so clear in His leading over the past month. Doors seemed to be flying open to lead Stuart in a new career direction. So many things happened supernaturally to get us to the point of feeling that God was about to open a door for a new opportunity, then it just slipped away. The open door slammed shut all in one day.

I had thrown myself emotionally and physically into the belief that THAT was the plan. I had a one-inch thick file of information about that new community, just in case we had to move there. We had looked at houses (I had a particularly cute one that I really liked). I was already picturing my furniture in the new floorplan. I had called churches about Mother's Day Out programs. I had seen the potential school that Owen would attend. I was excited about the Target that was under construction just miles from "our new house." We visited a church there that seemed like a perfect fit. The sermon was on exactly the topic we had been praying about . . . being open to change and taking risks to follow God. It was perfect . . . too perfect.

Why didn't it work out?

I still feel raw from the disappointment of the letdown. I feel like I saw God's plan unfolding, but that we lost hold of it. The reality is that it obviously wasn't God's plan to start with. We just thought it was. However, that makes me wonder if I can tell when God is really working or not. Did I imagine all the "open doors"?

Now, we are back to the original place of the unknown. The dark, scary place where the clock seems to be ticking while we try not to worry about job security. The uncertain place when we don't know the answers or the time frame.

I know in my heart that God will provide a clear direction and a path for us to a place where He wants us to settle. Answer soon, Lord, answer soon.

"Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle. They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle. " Psalm 107: 4-7