It Matters

Last summer ended with a completely random thought on my part about going back into teaching full-time. It was really just a fleeting thought and one which I didn't think would ever result in a job. God knew differently. My one check on the website which revealed a job opening which had just been submitted. Then, a hastily submitted application which felt like it was just for practice. Then, amazingly enough an interview call, and a job offer, all within a week! I was shocked, dazed, excited, and scared. I went through the open door and took a leap of faith. It was the most out of character thing I'd ever done. How did I, who had been a stay-at-home mom for six years, all of a sudden become a working mom within a week? People who knew me were surprised that I suddenly had a job, when I never had mentioned that I was looking. . . because I wasn't. Until that one day, when I decided to apply on a whim.

So, here we are. Already it is the beginning of fourth quarter. I am finally in a good routine with my children at home, and though life is always busy, it is much more manageable. I am thankful my children have been relatively healthy (Arden even more than Hudson which is amazing). My students are incredibly smart . . . sometimes too talkative and social, but that is their only flaw. I am in awe how much they are learning and how much I am learning from them. I actually use the words "juxtaposition" and "allusion" quite frequently, and they understand me! Quite amazing for 7th graders!

God placed me in this role for a reason. I absolutely love teaching. When I get in front of the class, I see so much potential. Discussing The House on Mango Street has been a joy. I am transformed into the world of the Chicago ghetto and am befriending the protagonist Esperanza. I desperately want my students to connect with her and feel her longings, joy, and pain. My classes are making deep interpretations, and I am amazed when they can explain the significance of why the shop was called the "Peter Pan Photo Finishers" or the irony in the title "The Earl of Tennessee." Be still my heart.

I am planning my next unit on film and poetry and anxiously awaiting being able to dissect Star Wars with them as we study archetypes, and I feel like a young child who is waiting for Santa to come.

But the best part is that what I do matters. When I'm exhausted, and my own child is clingy, I still feel like it's worth it. I have 75 kids this year, and it is quite a job to learn about them, to know them, to connect individually. I've gotten comfortable enough to be myself -- to be honest, crazy, and even silly in front of them. We have enough rapport to tackle embarrassing questions, serious issues, real-life topics. I've finally gotten to the point with most of them that we have a relationship, a bond. Now, I have the kids who come and visit me at lunch and during their rewards day free time. They just want to hang out and talk about their lives. I've earned that privilege, and I don't take it lightly. I look back on the past seven months, and I see how far I've come. Now, I know why the door opened, the job was offered, and why I took the chance.

I hope my students remember my stories, my example, and my faith. I want it to matter. I want them to be better people, better citizens, make better choices, have better options because of what they contemplated in my class. I am blessed that each day I get to matter and make a difference.

I can't wait until tomorrow to begin another day of learning, laughing, and talking.

Carpe Diem.

Mistake?

It's been a rough couple of days. To be honest, I've spent a lot of time thinking that I just made a big mistake by trying to go back to work. And not only that, but I also let my online teaching job go, and since they have never spoken to me after my resignation, it isn't looking too likely that I can get it back. Tensions are running high in the household at this point.

I don't know if I can keep this up. I keep telling myself that it will get easier, but it's hard right now. I love the teaching part. I have a very manageable schedule and only three classes. My students have been attentive and wonderful, and I think the teaching part would be easy next year once I've gone though planning all the new curriculum once. I'm fine when I'm at school, but it's balancing it with home and family. When do working parents find time to cook, clean, go to Walmart, run errands? I spent all day Saturday doing errands and cleaning, so I haven't had any time to rest this weekend. I was cleaning bathrooms at 10 p.m.!

To top it off, Arden got sick on Friday afternoon and came home from daycare with a runny nose and red-rimmed eyes. By that night, she was running a low fever, and she officially has her first cold. Only one week in daycare and already sick! My mind is racing to how often she will get sick and how I only have 9 sick days to take off work to stay home, and we're not even into the winter flu season yet.

I knew these things when I decided to teach, but it has been a hard reality check when Arden has been crying and cranky for pretty much every waking hour since Friday afternoon. I am home from church with her this morning, and she won't let me out of her sight without going into hysterics. I'm thinking that drop-off at her school tomorrow morning will not be a pretty sight.

I'm discouraged. I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed.

I thought I was following God's leading, and I prayed so hard for Him to close this door if it would be a mistake. I thought it was a sign when the job description was changed exactly to how I prayed. Maybe this will get easier after a month or two.

Please pray for my family and this adjustment. I am committed by contract now to the entire school year, and I'm praying this gets easier on all of us.

First Day of School

Okay . . . I am alive.

I haven't had much time to post lately with starting my new teaching job.

My brother visited us last weekend from the Denver area, and it had been one year since his last visit. Arden had changed so much since then, and it was fun to see her interact with him. Asher, Owen, and I went to Eureka Springs last Saturday. Stuart stayed home with Hudson and Arden since Hudson got a quick stomach flu and had gotten sick early Saturday morning. It was fun to walk the same streets that Stuart and I went on for our honeymoon 19 years ago! I hadn't been back there since then! We ate some fudge and lemonade ices, and Owen had to pick out a few treasures from a gift shop. Owen got carsick on the winding roads back home, and we almost had a mess in Asher's rental car, but luckily we got pulled over to the roadside in time!

I have officially survived my first week back to work! Overall, it was a good week. I like the job better than I expected considering it is 7th grade. I haven't taught 7th graders in 14 years, but the three classes I have are pre-AP students and more mature than the 7th graders of 14 years ago. They have been extremely well-behaved and respectful, and I think it will be a good year. I am learning the ropes of the school procedures, and my teaching rhythm is coming back to me.

The balance of work and home will be a challenge with three kids, and I hope I can get used to the physically demanding schedule. So far, I haven't been able to cook or clean during the work week, and I am so exhausted when I get home. My feet are killing me from standing all day, and I can barely stay awake past 9 p.m.!

The boys both like their new school and seem to have good teachers. I met Owen's teacher at the new teacher orientation meetings, as she is returning back to Bentonville schools after staying home with kids for the past seven years. She previously taught at this same school in 3rd grade for many years before, and I really like her. Hudson's teacher has taught kindergarten for 15 years, and she is great too. The boys stay in an afterschool program for about an hour while I finish my day since the junior high dismissal is later than their school.

Arden has had the hardest adjustment since she has been home with me until this year. She is doing well for her first week in daycare, but she is extremely tired since she has to be woken up almost two hours earlier each morning and is only napping for one hour at school. She is tired and crying by 7 p.m. every night, and I hope the pace of her schedule gets easier on her after time. She seems happy at school and only cries a little when I leave. She is social and enjoys the facilities for outside play and the indoor climbing room.

Continue to pray for all of us in this adjustment. It will be a few months before I will feel like there is a routine or if I can determine if this will work for our family long-term. I do know that I still love teaching, but I don't know if I can keep up this pace indefinitely. Time will tell.

Out with the old, and in with the new

I resigned from the college almost two weeks ago. Now, fourteen days later, I haven't heard a word from anyone there. I emailed in my resignation letter and expected to hear from my department head or dean that they wished me well. But, nothing. So, I emailed the administrative secretary to make sure someone knew about my situation. No response. I then checked the online enrollment that shows live numbers for sections. Sure enough, my news had been processed because my name had been taken off the schedule, and my four sections had been reassigned for this fall to other people.

It was a bit hurtful that after six years of employment with the college, they didn't even recognize my departure. I know they got the information because the schedule was changed. I'm not sure if they are upset that I gave two week's notice and resigned, or if they just don't care. I felt that I had a good experience there, and I thought that I was on friendly terms with everyone. Now, I'm not sure where I stand. I don't know if I should make more contact with them in the future, and I don't know if they would consider me for future employment, if my situation in Bentonville were to change.

It's all sort of confusing. Six years, and no goodbye.

I think I've done the right thing by moving on to Bentonville schools. My college enrollment has remained low, and it appears that I would have only gotten two out of four of my sections to teach online. That would have beeen a 50% drop in my expected part-time income, and it would have really caused a financial strain in our budget.

God has been faithful to provide. Out with the old, and in with the new!

Hi ho, hi ho, It's off to work I go

I have five days of work behind me for this school year . . . only 188 left to go!

I will post pictures and more details later, but I do want to let you know that I am into the swing of inservice days and surviving! Yes, I'm tired. I haven't had this many days in a row of being up so early in six years! I'm not a morning person. However, once I get up and going, it's fine.

Last week, Roy and Bea Cearley came and graciously agreed to take care of the children on Tuesday through Thursday. Stuart took off a half day of work on Friday while I had meetings until noon. Last week was "new teacher" orientation meetings with all the new faculty from K-12 throughout the district. Most of it was pretty interesting, although I got a bit overloaded by Bloom's taxonomy and brain research. There was quite a bit of theory in some parts. The best day was Thursday when we sat in a real classroom and had a former "teacher of the year" give us all sorts of real-life tips for classroom management and organization. I took away a lot of concrete things to try with this age group, and the teacher was very inspiring.

Today and tomorrow I am meeting with my English team on my campus. I got a lot of useful curriculum information today, and I now know what my focus should be for the first semester. I am still working on decorating my room, although Stuart helped me get all my boxes up there this weekend. Owen tried to help me unpack on Saturday afternoon, but it was really a time when he tried to put all my money in the hall vending machine until it jammed!

Arden's mother's day out teacher from church is keeping the kids this week through Thursday, then Stuart is taking Friday off again. I think everything went well today, and the boys really enjoyed playing with Kristi's girls who are a bit older than Owen. It also helps that Arden knows Kristi as her former teacher, and I'm thankful that the boys can stay in their own home for these two weeks.

Arden begins daycare at Pinecrest Private School next Monday. I am really praying for that transition, and I hope she likes it and does well. Monday will also be Hudson's kindergarten open house! I can't believe he is off to real school already!

So, overall, I think things are going well. It will take a few weeks with students before I feel like I am in a routine, and it will take some adjustment for my energy level to match my schedule. However, I'm not nervous or overwhelmed at this point which is completely amazing considering that I was only hired 2 weeks ago! God has been very good in providing great support with coworkers and new friends, so I feel like I am learning the ropes pretty quickly.

Gearing Up

Things are falling into place, slowly but surely, for my return into the great 7th grade adventure this year! Stuart's parents are coming next week to keep the children at my house on Tuesday- Friday while I attend inservices for new teachers. Then, Arden's mother's day out teacher from last year who is also a friend of mine volunteered to keep the kids the following week from Monday through Thursday at my house. A good neighbor Laurie is going to watch the boys at her house the final two days on August 17 and 18 while Arden starts at her full-time childcare. I feel good having a plan in place for the children, and I'm glad that they can be in their own home with their own surroundings (especially for Arden) for two weeks.

God also provided a spot for Arden at a well-reputed childcare center in Bentonville called Pine Crest Private School. It is right in front of the boys' elementary school campus, so I will be able to drop off and pick up in one place. Arden got the only spot open in her age group! Many places I called had waiting lists up to one year long, and Pine Crest initially told me they had a waiting list too. God opened up a spot, and I think it will be the best place I can find with one week's notice. I'm praying that Arden adjusts well to her new school and teachers and doesn't have any behavioral changes.

I did my final "hiring" interview with Bentonville Schools yesterday and met with the director of human resources. He approved my hiring and sent me on to do paperwork. I did all the tax forms, verification of experience, intent to hire form, and got information on benefits. Stuart was able to take a half day off work for me to go to the district office plus get my fingerprinting done at the sheriff's office. The school board will vote and approve all new hires on August 17, so then I will sign an "official" contract on August 18 and pick up my first paycheck! Yea!

I resigned from my online teaching job yesterday after I passed the final interview. That will give the college two weeks to reassign my sections to other instructors which I don't think will be too difficult since only one section is currently full, so they might not even need to keep all of them on the schedule. It was a little bittersweet to relinquish this online job since it has been such a blessing to work from home for six years, but I think God provided just the right time to change jobs since it appears that the economic slowdown is finally trickling down to the community college. My enrollment was low this semester which, in turn, dictates how many sections I would be able to teach any given semester. At least with secondary education in Bentonville, it is not affected as much by the economy since it is mandatory public education in the fastest growing school district in the state. If I do a good job for the district, I should not have to worry about job security.

I'm anxious to get into a classroom and start unpacking. I have twelve boxes of materials and files in my attic from my P.A. days, and I'm ready to go through them. I'm sure I will be spending several nights and weekends up at the school in the next few weeks trying to get a room ready for the first day with students on the 19th. I don't like feeling in limbo, so I will be glad when I'm "unpacked" and have some idea of what I will be teaching during the first few weeks. I will meet with the English department on August 10-11 for curriculum and should get my textbooks and have a much better idea of where to start.

Tomorrow is the boys' birthday party, and it will be just a small gathering at our neighborhood pool since we don't know many people in town yet. Several friends were not able to come and were traveling. The boys picked a "Cars" theme from the Disney movie, and we ordered a cake from Sam's Club and picked it up today. I'm glad we are having a simple, outdoor party, so I don't have to worry about my house!

I'm finally sleeping normally again after the whirlwind of stress and excitement with this job change. I feel relatively calm and more excited than nervous. I know it will take a month or so to even get my bearings and feel like I have some sort of rhythm, but I know I can do the job once I figure out the curriculum and have some time to plan.

God's timing is perfect. It wasn't what I envisoned for this year, but He has a purpose in my assignment. I love teaching and always looked forward to returning to the classroom. I hope I can be used positively to reach many students this year!

A Sign

On July 7, my world began to change. After six years at home full-time, I had begun to feel a stirring in me to teach in the classroom again. Hudson would be starting kindergarten, so Arden would be my only child at home. Financial stress had driven my inital thoughts of how to make more money. We had spent a lot of money on the move to northwest Arkansas, exterior drainage issues in our yard, and unexpected car repairs which eventually left us with needing to abandon our ten year old vehicle in June and buy a new car last month. Financial stress loomed heavily as I had also found out that my part-time job had capped the maximum number of courses that I would be able to teach, plus enrollment was low in my existing online sections for the fall semester. I randomly had the urge to check the teaching openings for the Bentonville School District website, and I saw it. There was an opening for a 9th grade English teacher at the high school. The opening was posted on 7/7/09 -- the same day that I randomly felt the urge to check.

I applied for the position which was very involved. It required typed essays, work verification from my former employers, and eight letters of recommendation. Fortunately, my secondary teachers' license was recently renewed and valid. However, my excitement was short-lived as I found out from a friend of mine who teaches in the high school that the position was filled internally from a transfer of another district teacher. I felt that God's will had been made clear, and I began to focus on my online curriculum to prepare for the fall.

The very next day, on Wednesday, July 22, I got an unexpected call to interview for an English teaching position at Washington Junior High in Bentonville. This was a 7th grade opening whose vacancy was from a transfer to the high school (the exact position that I had previously applied for!). I interviewed on Friday, July 24, and I met with the principal and three other faculty members.

The interview went extremely well and lasted well over an hour. I had been very nervous until I pulled into the parking lot, and then I felt a rush of calm and peace come over me. I felt that I was completely myself in the interview, and I really liked the principal. However, I was panicked in the final few minutes of the interview when I was told that 1 of the sections for the position was ESL (English as a Second Language) to a group of non-English speaking students. I have never taught ESL, so that was a bit stressful to consider doing that with no experience. Then, I also found out that the start date was Tuesday, August 4, which was almost a full week earlier than I had expected. I didn't realize that there were additional days of training for new hires over the regular inservice days for returning teachers. My concern was childcare for all of those days since it meant I would have just over a week to pull all this together.

I wrestled with the pros and cons of the job all weekend. I had been told that a decision would be made on Monday, July 27. We went to dinner at a friend's house on Saturday night, and I was discussing the interview with her and my fear over the ESL class and the early start date. She jokingly said, "Wouldn't it be great if the principal changed the schedule and got rid of that ESL class?" I agreed and thought that would make the job so much more comfortable for me. I prayed all weekend that God would close the door if I shouldn't go down that path. I was fine with the district hiring someone else; I just didn't want to accept a job that would be a mistake.

Like Gideon, I wanted a sign. I wanted a fleece that would show me what to do -- a clear sign from God that I was in His will. I prayed that I could sort out my stress because I couldn't tell if the stress I felt was due to the fast pace of the situation and the normal stress of change, or it was an indication that I was making a mistake.

The phone rang on Sunday night. I expected it to be a relative, so I casually answered. It was the principal from the junior high. She expressed how excited they would be to offer me the position as an English teacher at their school. I was the committee's first choice. I knew that I still had a couple of questions about the ESL assignment that I had thought of after I left the interview, so I asked the principal if I could ask a few more things about that section. She laughed and said she had changed my schedule, and that I would not have to teach ESL. My schedule would be three sections of 7th grade English.

A sign -- I had prayed for a sign. I had laughed the night before about how great it would be if God sent me a sign by having the principal change the schedule and eliminate the ESL class. This was my fleece.

I felt a complete peace about the situation. God was in this. He had arranged for me to get the job. It wasn't some mistake that I had created.

So, I accepted the position. I start next week, and students arrive on August 19.

Now, this isn't to say that I'm not having stress! It is still a lot of stress having to arrange two weeks' worth of childcare and find a full-time placement for Arden with only one week's notice! I don't "fly by the seat of my pants" very well! However, now I know that it is going to work out. I know that I can do this job well and that it is a good fit for me. This is God's plan for me and my family.

God gave me a sign.

The Interview

Well, I survived my first interview in over 6 years! It was very nervewracking, and I'm glad I only had 36 hours to wait from the time they called me because I haven't slept well since then with all the anticipation.

So, how did it go, you might be wondering. Honestly, I think it went well, and I thought that all of the four interviewers seemed to connect well with me and gave positive comments and had postive facial expressions and body language. We laughed a lot, and I felt that I was relaxed and myself. So, I probably wouldn't change anything about how I performed in the interview. Basically, they had a sheet of established questions and went around in a circle and each asked me one. Only a couple of them were ones that I didn't immediately know what to say (What has been your biggest failure in the past three years? What text or professional literature has impacted your teaching style the most?).

I loved the principal. Loved her! She would be a dream personality to work with, and I felt she was so approachable, funny, and laid back. She was not intimidating at all. She obviously wants faculty to approach her easily and bring her any concerns. I felt like she would be supportive and give me lots of help. I also really liked the two other English teachers in the meeting, and they both reminded me of others I have worked with before. I think we would get along well. There was a fourth man in the interview that I couldn't really read as well. He was an ESL/reading specialist, so I didn't really connect with his questions quite as much because that isn't my area of expertise. He also left early to go to another meeting, so I didn't get to know him as well.

The interview was over 1 hour long. I brought in samples of previous projects I have done with students along with some photos from my scrapbook of my former students while they were working on one of the projects and the finished results. The other teachers seemed to like that, and I think they got an accurate picture of who I am and my teaching strengths.

However, I got sort of panicked at the end of the interview when I found out some more information about the teaching assignment and the starting date. I was originally told it was for a 7th grade position, and it turns out that those two classes are pre-AP, so I was thrilled about teaching honors level again. However, they didn't mention until the very end of the interview (as in "By the way . . . we'd better tell you . . . ") that the third class is 8th grade English ESL!!! What?? I'm not ESL (English as a Second Language) certified. They want me to teach a class of non-English speakers? I have no idea where to start with that. These kids are going to be using Rosetta Stone curriculum. The up side is that there will only be 8 kids in that class because it is ESL. The principal said that with the late notice of this job becoming open, there is no way any of their applicants will be ESL trained, so they will just make do for this year, and then they will try to reassign sections for next year and get a real ESL teacher to take that section. However, for this year, they will have to use a regular English teacher who will get some team-teaching support from another ESL teacher in the building. I was a little blindsided by that one. My ESL experience consists of teaching about five foreign exchange students during my eight years at Pulaski Academy, but they were all super motivated students who didn't sleep and stayed up all night translating my novels into Chinese (seriously!).

The positive thing is that this job only has 3 classes (2 pre-AP 7th grade English and 1 section ESL 8th grade English) and a total of 58 students. No one ever has 58 students in secondary school at the full-time level! The grading should be very managable, which would be a good thing since I'll probably have to learn Spanish! ha!

The other stress factor that got dropped on me in the last 5 minutes of the interview is that the starting date is AUGUST 3, as in 1 week from now! What! School begins on August 19, and I knew that teachers had to report on August 12 for inservices. However, what I didn't know is that ALL new teachers to this district have to report a full week earlier than returning teachers in order to go through "new teacher orientation" with the district. Now, that wouldn't be a problem except for the small issue of Owen, Hudson, and Arden. I have no idea what I will do with my children for two weeks until they can start school and daycare. Plus, I will only have 6 days to figure it out! That is a stress.

So, how do I feel right now? Overwhelmed.

Would I like the job? Probably.

Would I take the job? Probably.

I honestly think that I underestimated how much work it would be to return to the classroom in a public school. I'm rusty on all the benchmarks, assessments, and all the state requirements for teachers that I didn't have to worry about while I've been off teaching in private schools and at the college level for the past 14 years.

I think I would LOVE this job after the first year. I think the first year will kill me!

It's a steep learning curve with a lot of information to process and only 1 week to pull it all together. Combine that with worrying about my three children, and I don't know if I can do it.

I do think that after I got adjusted to the schedule, and after I got through a year of lesson plans, this would be a pretty easy job in the second and subsequent years (only 58 students, remember??). That is, if I live through the first year.

So, the principal said they will finish interviewing today and check references over the weekend. They will make a decision and call on Monday due to the start date of August 3. There are at least three people being interviewed as I know they mentioned another male teacher, and there was another woman waiting in the lobby after I came out from my interview. Who knows, maybe one of them speaks Spanish, so they will be the better candidate.

We'll see what happens. I don't even know what I want to happen! I need God to give me some very clear direction.

Now the answer is "Maybe"

Maybe God and I are getting our wires crossed about the whole teaching issue! Just when I had put it to rest and blogged about how the answer was "no," a phone call changed everything.

The 9th grade English job which I had applied for was filled internally by a district teacher moving up from the junior high. Well, last night the English department head from that junior high called me and wondered if I was interested in their vacancy.

So, I interview tomorrow morning, and they should be making a quick decision in just a few days since school is just around the corner.

I feel a peace about this opportunity, and it offers some benefits with the teaching load over a high school position.

So, God is keeping me on my toes!

The answer is "No"

God seems to have given a definitive answer to my quest for teaching jobs, and the answer is "No." I applied with three of the major districts in my area who had all posted new openings for a high school English teacher, and I did not get a call from any of them for interviews. Now, the openings are filled.

It is discouraging since I felt that my renewed desire to go back to the classroom was a sign that God was directing me towards that goal, and obviously it was not. I am now praying that my sections at the community college will fill, so that I can resume the same online teaching assignment there. Right now, enrollment is low, but I have until August 14 until a decision is made to close a low section.

I am disappointed that my dreams of "the perfect job" didn't materialize, but it will be less work this year and more time with Arden. It was suggested to me that I would have a better chance of getting a job in the local high school here if I start subbing, so that I can make more connections with administrators at the high school. That is not exactly my dream job. Been there. Done that. However, it might be something that I will eventually have to do in order to use my degree. It would entail moving Arden to another childcare program for 2-3 days per week (at an increased cost) instead of using mother's day out. The mother's day out programs usually end by 2 or 2:30, and the high school doesn't get out until 3:35. I will spend this year praying about what to do for next year as far as changing Arden's childcare to possibly sub next year on a part-time basis. Until then, I'm just leaving my application on file with the district in "active" status.

I know that God is the one who opens and closes the doors, and we have had many jobs close with Stuart in the past which were huge disappointments. Later, we realized that it was because something else came along which was a much better fit. I am trusting God to provide for our family's financial needs and use me as a teacher where and when He opens the door.

A Work in Progress

I left the high school classroom six years ago. I had absolutely loved my job at Pulaski Academy in Little Rock where I had taught for eight years. I had devoted co-workers, dedicated students, and freedom to develop my own curriculum. It was the perfect situation. However, circumstances changed, and at that time I had Owen in daycare, and Stuart was given the opportunity to take a job in another county. His new job required that we move to the county where he worked which would be about 45 minutes from Pulaski Academy.

At that time, God impressed upon me that it was time to make a move towards staying home since we were trying to have more children. It was one of the scariest times in my life because quitting my job meant risking financial security. I didn't know how we would make it month to month without my income. I had planned on sending my children to Pulaski Academy and teaching on the same campus where my children went to school, and it was a sad time to see that dream come to an end. Ultimately, this was the best decision for me and for all the members of my family, so I submitted my resignation and ended my final year of teaching in Little Rock.

Six years later, I have had a very great experience teaching part-time composition at a community college. God blessed me with this opportunity the very next semester after I left Pulaski Academy, and it has provided the extra income we needed in order for me to stay home. I have taught both night classes and online classes, and I am now telecommuting for the college by teaching only online classes which has enabled me to keep the job after our move to Northwest Arkansas. It has been a flexible schedule which has offered me the option of teaching anywhere from one to four classes each semester, depending on my availability. I don't have to keep office hours, attend faculty meetings, or sponsor extra clubs or activities after hours. All in all, it has been perfect for those times when I've been home with sick children or a newborn baby. I can work in my pajamas and don't need a sub to cover my classes for a sick day. I haven't had to use full-time daycare for Hudson or Arden so far, and I've only used a Mother's Day Out program to help give me some child-free time for work.

However, I am growing restless. I can't quite put my finger on it, and I don't know if I am ready to jump into the full-time work force again, but I know that I miss a lot of what I had at Pulaski Academy. Maybe my feelings stem partially from living in a new area without any established relationships, so working exclusively from home feels more isolating than it was before. I miss the relational aspect of working with high school students and seeing them on a daily basis. I miss having coworkers that I see in person and share my life with. I miss teacher inservice training and attending College Board AP Conferences where I could be inspired by other great teachers from all over the country. I miss teaching literature. I miss thinking of creative projects that could involve my students in a novel. I miss seeing students' eyes light up when they really understand a concept.

For the first time in six years, I am beginning to feel like I want to go back into the classroom. I recently sent in my resume and application materials to two local, public school districts who have posted openings for a secondary English teacher. I'm not expecting an interview, and I haven't heard from either of them yet. Teaching jobs are few and far between in this area, and I've heard many stories about how difficult it is to get a job in local districts. However, it's a baby step in that direction. . . towards returning to my roots. Hudson starts kindergarten this year, and Arden is out of the baby stage and is already showing that she is capable of time away from me. I think that I will continue to apply for local openings as I see them, and I know that God will open the door when it is the right time for our family.

I don't want to return to work too soon. I don't want to do so at the expense of my family life. I am praying that God will give me another great opportunity that will offer me more creative outlets for speaking, teaching, and mentoring in His time. I'm excited to see what it will be and when it will happen. So, for now, I'm returning to my part-time job at the college as an online instructor and plan to continue with them until I get another job offer which might be one to four years from now.

I'm praying that my heart is sensitive to the right direction. The salary would relieve a lot of financial stress which we feel about saving for retirement, saving for college, replenishing our emergency fund, and having the means to do some things we can't afford to do with the children. But money isn't everything. God might not want me to leave my part-time job until Arden starts school. I desire His will over mine. I've done my part by applying for openings as I will continue to do, and I am praying that God will show me the right setting where He wants to use me.

Fun with Science

Hudson is doing the federal, preschool HIPPY program which gives parents home instruction sheets to do with your child throughout the school year. HIPPY teaches kindergarten readiness skills. Hudson LOVES doing his "HIPPY homework," as we call it. In fact, I can even use it as a bribe and say,"We're not going to do your HIPPY homework unless you ___________." It usually works.

A few weeks ago there was a great activity that Hudson just loved. If you don't do HIPPY(many of my Cabot friends do), then here are the directions. You will be teaching your child cause-effect and prediction skills. Find one shiny penny and 4 dark pennies. Show your child the different pennies and discuss the differences of how one is bright and shiny, and the others have gotten dirty. You can also discuss how the value of a penny is one cent and throw a little math in there, too.

In four different bowls, place the following ingredients: water, salt (dry), vinegar, and then vinegar mixed with salt in the final bowl. Let your child feel and smell each bowl (Hudson was grossed out by the vinegar smell). Discuss which solution/mixture your child predicts will best clean the dirty pennies (Hudson picked water).

Then put a dirty penny in each solution and let your child "wash" the penny. Do water, then dry salt, then vinegar alone. None of those will do anything. Finally, put the penny in the vinegar/salt mixture, and you will be able to watch the penny get shiny and copper colored again. It happens almost immediately, and it's really cool! Hudson said, "Wow!" Then, he wanted to clean a whole bunch of Daddy's dirty pennies!

It's cheap and easy to do, and your preschooler will have a lot of fun.

A Legacy

I just started back to work teaching four sections of Composition I two weeks ago, and it just dawned on me today that I am beginning my 16th year of teaching.

Wow . . . when did I get so old?

I've been teaching since I was 23 years old. I have spent 2 years in a public junior high (now I know why those are the jobs they give the "new" teachers!), 8 years in a private preparatory high school, and I am beginning my 6th year as a college instructor. I've taught students who could hardly read above the 3rd grade level to ones who went on to Ivy League colleges; I've taught gang members during summer school with the Little Rock School District while a guard stood outside my door; I've taught pregnant teenagers; I've taught National Merit Scholars; I've taught college students who are old enough to be my parents.

It's been a wonderful, crazy, busy, and exciting ride!

Teaching has definitely been my calling and my passion. From the time I was little, I remember playing school and recycling old workbooks and making my siblings do them for "fun." I had dreamed of teaching college when I was in high school, only then to "settle" for a job as a high school teacher because there wasn't a way for me to pursue my doctorate degree after I got married and lived in Little Rock. It turned out to be the very best thing I ever did, as I found a great niche as a high school teacher, and I feel that I really got to make a difference during those years. Ironically, God has allowed that dream to come true in a different way than I ever imagined, as I currently teach at the college level and can work from home to be with my young children. I've had the best experiences being a teacher. It's never been like a job to me; it's been a part of who I am -- a product of my upbringing, a part of my innate need to connect with people and help them learn. As Stuart says, it's a way for me to use up the 10,000 words that I have to get out every day! Without it, I don't think I would feel as useful in the world. I am so grateful that I can still combine teaching with raising my children, and when they are ready, I will reenter the classroom as a full-time faculty member once again.

I started thinking about the students whom I've taught over the years, and the ones that I've seen as adults and where life has taken them. One of my former ninth grade students is a pharmacist now. He filled my prescription for me at Walgreens one night very late when I had a sick baby with an ear infection. He talked to me through the drive-thru lane with the sliding drawer and asked if I was the same "Mrs. Cearley" from Sheridan Junior High. It felt a bit strange to have to look up at him from my car while he gave me directions about the medication, and I smiled at the role reversal. He reminisced about how he loved my class and asked about my family. He seemed to have fond memories of my class, and I was proud to see that he had turned out so well.

Another student had a difficult and often explosive relationship with her mother. She took several classes with me, and it was always a challenge because the mother was often overinvolved. The student got pregnant during her first year in college. No one was surprised because I had heard several teachers say that she probably got pregnant just to have a way to escape her overbearing mother. She dropped out of college to marry the father, and now she lives near me. I run into her every few months at the soccer field, library, or a consignment sale. She's now been married for eight years, and she just had her fourth baby, but she said she still can't bring herself to call me by my first name; I'm still "Mrs. Cearley." She is such a great mom and shows genuine pleasure and interest in her kids. I visited with her husband at a library party this summer, and he really shows maturity for his young years. He's about to begin a term as a city councilman, and he is a very involved father. They are actively involved in a local church, and I am so proud of this student for turning her rocky start into a stable and loving home.

Another one of my favorite students was arrested last year for selling drugs. It was a widely televised arrest, and I saw his picture flash on the news repeatedly, and my heart broke for him. Initially, I was shocked. He had so much potential. What happened? I remember the talks we'd had, and how he had such severe ADHD that many teachers couldn't stand him being in their class. He liked English and was good at it, so his ADHD never bothered me. He had always seemed so naive and a bit immature, not at all like a person who would become a drug dealer in the next five years. I remember that he ate pencils and tore apart the plastic covers on 3-ring notebooks (literally) because he had such nervous energy. I routinely had to clean up the floor under his desk after he left class because of the debris he'd leave behind. But, he had such natural intelligence, good looks, and charisma. I remember thinking that he'd find his niche in college because high school was hard for him socially. I knew he didn't have a good relationship with his father, who was a very public personality in our community. On his final day of class with me, he sent me flowers. Now he is in jail.

Not all the stories with my students turn out well, but most do. I enjoy running into former students and seeing them grown. I read the Sunday social section to see if I recognize names of former students in high society listings or wedding announcements. Just last December, I was at the OBGYN office for one of my final checkups before I delivered Arden, and I heard an excited voice behind me say, "Mrs. Cearley?" I turned my huge belly in the direction of the voice, and came face to face with a former student who was also pregnant (with her 2nd child). She was probably 25. I was 37. Not to mention that she was as beautiful as a model and still looked trendy even when pregnant! We were both pregnant, but I was way too old for it! She laughed that we were pregnant together, and I enjoyed catching up with her. She is a great Christian mom who is staying home to raise her girls, and she reflected on my English class and all she enjoyed about it. She gave me the news on her classmates whom I also taught, and who is married, who is pregnant, etc.

When she was called out of the waiting room for her appointment, we hugged goodbye. I smiled as I watched her walk away. It felt really good. I felt like I had made a difference, and years later I hadn't been forgotten. Arden kicked inside my belly at the same time, and I laughed. I guess there are are a couple of ways that I'm leaving my legacy!