Parenting Help

There it was. In print in my church bulletin. "Parenting Conference with Dr. Kevin Leman." He is coming to MY church! Yes, this is one of my favorite Christian authors whose many books I have read. I laugh all the way through them because his anecdotes are so familiar to my own house, and I can relate so well.

Stuart bought the recent book Have a New Kid by Friday in hardback -- which we never do because I am too frugal. However, it remains unopened. Our kids are too much work and too out of control for us to read a book about how to control them! I think Dr. Leman might change his book title to Have a New Kid by Next Year if he met all three of mine, but the theory is intriguing nonetheless.

Anyway, Dr. Kevin Leman is holding a two day parenting conference at my local church next March 2010. When I reread the date, I was a bit disappointed. That's . . . next year. What I am supposed to do with my kids between now and then. I need help NOW! Okay, so maybe I should read the book he wrote in the interim. Then, maybe I won't be so desperate to attend his conference because my children will be new kids by March 2010.

Then again, I'd better sign up for advance purchase tickets . . . just in case.

On Mother's Day

On Mother's Day, exactly nine years ago, I went to church with Stuart and was dreading every step into the sanctuary. I had a pit in my stomach and a knot in my throat. I knew that it would be the "ode to mother's" sermon, and it would open all my painful wounds of infertility and loss. Sure enough, there was some part during the sermon where all the mothers were asked to stand up, so the congregation could applaud them and honor them. To me, that felt like a public demonstration of my barrenness. I was one who would have to sit. I was the one who had been married eleven years at the time, so everyone would wonder why I was childless. I was one who wouldn't get a day to honor her contributions. I felt like I was inadequate as a wife and a woman. I felt like my life would have no meaning without being able to become a parent.

Later in the service, I left the middle of the sermon and ran into the church bathroom, and I could hold in my sobs no longer. I leaned against the cold, metal stall and doubled over in silent screams. After church, I went home and threw all the temperature charts, journals, baby items, and pregnancy books into my attic in a big box. I threw myself on my bedroom carpet on my face and sobbed and sobbed . . . for the life I had dreamed of that wasn't to be, for every month of disappointing news, for the money that had been spent and lost on treatments, for the heartache, the feeling of abandonment, and the isolation between me and all my friends who were now mothers. For the first time in my life, I had finally gotten to the end of myself. I had done everything humanly possible to conceive, and after two and a half years, it hadn't worked.

Time passed. I began to feel a peace about stopping fertility treatments, and I just let go of what I wanted for my life. I prayed that God would show me what He wanted my focus to be. I decided to focus on my teaching and how I might impact student's lives in meaningful ways that would make a difference. I sincerely believed that I wouldn't have a child of my own, and I was trying to find peace with that new "normal."

About six months later, I heard of a new, experimental use for a drug that could help with conception. It was on the market for other uses, but in FDA trials for infertility. I had stopped all the expensive injections, hormones, and procedures, but this new option was a much more affordable drug with less side effects. I asked my doctor to let me try it, and I conceived during the first month. One year after the painful church service, it was Mother's Day again; however, this time I was in church with my hand on my stomach, feeling my baby kicking inside of me.

In July 2001, I gave birth to Owen. He was my first miracle.
In August 2004, I gave birth to Hudson. A second miracle.
In December 2007, I gave birth to Arden. A third miracle.

All three of my children were conceived with medical treatment for infertility. No pregnancy came easily or quickly. All three of my children were preterm. Over the course of three pregnancies and deliveries, I went through 9 days of NICU, 4 months of heart monitors, 2 years with a heart condition and regular visits to a pediatric cardiologist, 10 weeks on bedrest, 17 weeks of intermuscular hormone injections given by my husband, 16 weeks on Brethine pills, and 1 pregnancy with placenta previa. And it was worth it. Every second, every shot, every sacrifice.

On Mother's Day, I look back at how far I've come, the journey I've been on, and I'm so thankful that God allowed me to have, not one, but three amazing children. I am richer for having gone through infertility and for knowing the real miracle of birth. I don't ever take that for granted.

Infertility is like a scar; it is always there to remind you of what you've been through. You might become a survivor and achieve a pregnancy, but it doesn't ever erase the pain or the blessings of the experience. I still grieve for women I know who are facing this challenge today; it is impossible to understand how it feels unless you have been in those dark places yourself. It changed my values, my priorities, my entire life.

I'm a survivor of infertility. I remember, and I am a better person because of it.

All Ears

Arden still has a double ear infection! Unfortunately, shortly after we finished the first round of antibiotics which were prescribed from the ER visit, she began to act sick again this week. The same symptoms of sleeplessness, fever, irritability, and crying started on Tuesday, so I finally took her to the pediatrican today.

This is the first time that I have gone to a new doctor's office in seven years! I went to Little Rock Children's Clinic ever since Owen was a newborn, and I loved it there. I drove in from Cabot, even after we moved, and all my children used that clinic. I could always get an appointment within a few hours, I never had to wait a long time, the doctors were all board certified pediatricians, and they offered extended hours at nights and on Saturdays for sick kids.

When we moved to Northwest Arkansas, I asked around a lot to decide which office to visit. Several people recommended Northwest Arkansas Pediatric Clinic in Fayetteville. I was reluctant to have to drive to another town again, but I finally felt it was the best option. They have 13 pediatricians and offer the same after-hours clinic for sick kids that I had in Little Rock. This morning I called at 8:00, and I was given a 10:00 a.m. appointment. That was the first good sign, since I was a new patient. I drove to the clinic, and it only took me 23 minutes which wasn't a bad drive down the interstate. I was in a waiting room and talking to a doctor by 10:14 a.m.! I was checking out and in my car by 10:35! Everything was so similar to the Little Rock clinic that I loved, and the facility was amazing. I liked the first doctor we saw, and I am glad I went there. We left with another prescription for a stronger antibiotic, and I realized how blessed I am to have the option to go to a clinic like this for my children!

When I hear stories about how doctors' offices can't get a sick child in that day, or a parent and sick child are in the waiting room for hours, it really upsets me. Don't even get me started on those clinics that only have one waiting room where all the sick kids are mixed in with the well children! If that is your situation, you need to voice your dissatisfaction to your doctor or change doctors if all else fails. I would rather drive a bit further to get the service and treatment that I think ALL kids should be given in a pediatric setting. Don't settle, parents! We need to expect great service, convenient hours, and same day appointments for sick kids! There are clinics like that out there, if you look around. If insurance is the problem, then complain to them and try to get them to give you a waiver to an alternate facility based on your problematic experience; it doesn't hurt to try!

I'll get off my soap box now . . .

Day of Remembrance

Today, October 15th, is the National Day of Remembrance for Infant and Pregnancy Loss. There are many friends and relatives of mine who have been touched personally by miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or infant death due to accident or illness.

If you personally have ever lost a baby at any point after conception, I am praying for all those moms today. Please join me in celebrating life, at any stage, and its value by remembering and grieving those babies who have died too soon.

There is a great blog which I follow that is honoring today's day of remembrance with a place for moms to list the date of their infant loss. It is a Christian blog that was started by a woman Angie Smith whose own daughter died just hours after birth due to birth defects in April 2008. The link to this blog is http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/. The last time I looked, there were already over 850 posts by moms who have lost children.

There is probably no greater pain than that of a mother who has to say goodbye to a child.

Tried and True Baby Items

After having my third baby last year, I have now gone through quite a lot of baby products. I found some items that I loved back when I had Owen seven years ago, and some items are ones I just recently discovered, or they are newly on the market. I enjoy "testing" out products and finding things sold resale to save money. I think another career I'd enjoy is to be a tester for Consumer Reports magazine (which I subscribe to and follow religiously!).

Here are a few products that I really enjoy with Arden. If you are currently pregnant or might be in the future, then I would recommend any of them. They are also great ideas for baby gifts!

1. Bella Tunno pacifier holder: cute ribbon with metal clip. Attaches to paci with velcro. Each to use and machine washable. Very durable from my experience. About $8 at Pickles and Ice Cream or other boutiques

2. Robeez! I can't say enough about these wonderful leather crib shoes for pre-walkers. I began using them with Hudson and now with Arden. I usually use 0-6 and 6-12 month sizes exclusively before putting my kids in hard-soled shoes when they begin walking. I own about 3-4 pairs in each size. I buy them gently used off Ebay for around $12-14, then I resell them for $8-10, so they hardly cost me anything. There are some off-brands (like at Target) that I've never tried, but they won't resell nearly as well as the Robeez brand. So, ultimately it is still cheaper for me to buy the name brand and be able to get money back later. I wash mine in the washing machine and line dry, and I've had no problems with durability. They stay on really well.

3. Fisher Price Rainforest Jumperoo. This is a newer baby item which is a jumper that is in a round frame with toys, lights, and sounds around the seat. Once Arden got to be 6 months, she absolutely loves it, and she can jump in it for an hour! It's a bit bulky in size, but it is worth it for how much she likes it. I bought it used for half price which I would recommend doing, since it's a bit pricey. Retail is $80.

4. JJ Cole System Diaper Bag: I am picky about diaper bags. They have to hold enough, but not feel too bulky. I won't like the bag if it hurts my shoulder or digs into it when I am carrying a full bag. I don't like double strap bags since one strap always slides off my shoulder. I need lots of pockets to stay organized. I don't want a bag with cartoons or a baby design. You get the picture. I have never really loved a diaper bag until now, and I have tried about six or more with three kids. This bag is pricey ($70), but I got mine cheaper on Ebay. I love the stroller straps that you can hook onto the handlebars, so the bag can clip to them. It makes it so easy to access the bag instead of putting it in the stroller basket underneath. It is lightweight, cute, and super comfy to carry with a padded strap. I've had no problems with durability or spot cleaning after 7 months. It even has an iPod pocket, but I use it for my keys since I don't own an iPod.

5. Boppy Pillow with removable cover: I have gone through two of these pillows. I definitely recommend the removable cover, so you don't have to wash the pillow itself. I did that with my first one, and it got lumpy. I still use this for bottle feeding, as it saves my arm and neck from getting stiff because I can just lay Arden on the pillow on my lap to feed her. cost $30-ish

6. Bumbo Chair. I never had one before Arden, and I found some good use for it. I wouldn't pay retail price of $40 for this chair, as I don't think it's worth that much money, but I got mine for $15 at a consignment sale. It was a great device to help her sit upright with support between 3-7 months old. We had problems with "flat head" from laying on her back so much, so this was a great chair to use to get her in a different position.

7. Whoozit Toy: All three of my kids have loved this toy in the infant stage. They crinkle it, chew the pink rings, squeeze the noze, etc. It's the perfect companion for a stroller or carseat. Mine has been washed countless times and is still being used after 7 years! Retail around $12

8. Barefoot Dreams Blankies: These are the best little blankies! All three of my kids have had them (and Owen still sleeps with his!). They wash well, and they don't fall apart unless you eat them (cough . . . Hudson). They come in satin or chenille. Retail around $24, but I got Arden's on Ebay for $10.

9. Pampers Cruisers Diapers: Yes, these are the premium and most expensive diapers. I have tried all the cheaper brands, and I still come back to these. They fit my kids the best and have the best overnight leak protection. I buy one big box per month at Sam's Club, and they last me all month. The average cost in that quantity is .22 cents per diaper for size 3, and I don't have to cut coupons. They aren't the cheapest, but they are the best, in my opinion.

10. Diaper Service Quality (DSQ) cloth diapers: I bought a bundle of these off Ebay, and they are the best burp cloths I've used. They wash well and hold up to lots of wear. They are so much thicker and softer than the Gerber cloth diapers at Walmart. These are the ones people use if they are really going to use cloth diapers for diapering! I sewed some ribbon to the bottom to decorate them, but they are fine just plain white. About $2.50 each.

11. Bumkins Bibs: For two children I bought the cheaper Target or Walmart brand vinyl bibs for highchair use/baby food feedings. They were cheap at 4 for $5.00, but they always got stiff, they weren't machine washable, the print washed off, and they generally got gross after a month of use and had to be thrown away. Finally, I recently splurged and spent $6.00 for a Bumkins Bib (cost for 1), and I will never go back! They are wonderful, flexible material, have an adjustable velcro neck opening for various age babies, and they are machine washable!! This is money well-spent, as they won't wear out or be thrown away. Available at Babies R Us.

12. Graco Contempo High Chair: I really like the design and price of this model. It folds very narrow, and it has multiple height and recline positions. It has a removeable tray and holes to insert high chair toys, if desired. There are various designs and colors. Retail price is $100.

13. Fisher Price Cradle Swing: This newer style swing has a two-position swing (side to side, or front to back), mobile, lights, sounds, etc. Pretty snazzy, but so is the price at around $110! I found a gently used one for $50, and it has been worth every penny. In fact, they are so popular, that I can resell mine in a few months for almost what I paid for it. So, I got to use it for less than $10! Arden loves to swing (the boys didn't), and often this is the only place I can get her to fall asleep if she's cranky. She still sleeps in it for one daytime nap daily, and I'm trying to wean her off it! We've lugged this swing (which does disassemble easily) in our van to multiple places, including our recent weekend roadtrip! Try consignment sales, newspaper listings, or Craigslist for used models. They can be hard to find since they are so popular, so you'll have to look regularly for listings and then contact the seller quickly!

14. Aden and Anais Muslin Swaddle Blankets: I am a big believer in swaddling your newborn to help calm them and help them sleep better. My colicky babies always reponded well to a combination of swaddling, swinging, and white noise. The problem with most blankets is that they are rectangular, too stiff, too heavy, or too small to adequately swaddle a baby past 8 lbs! These 44 inch square blankets are lightweight cotton muslin, and they are perfect in size, shape, and weight. I swaddled Arden to sleep in them until she was almost 5 months old! I found these described in a magazine and ordered them online http://adenandanais.com/. They come in 2-packs or 4-packs and retail for about $12 per blanket. I have used them daily and washed them countless times, and they still look new. This must be my all-time favorite, can't-live-without baby item! They come in girl prints, boy prints, or plain white.

15. Ultimate Crib Sheet: A friend told me about these with Owen, and I have used them with all my babies. Since all three of my babies have had reflux/spit-up issues, it is a big pain to change crib linens multiple times daily after a bit spit-up on the crib sheet. You will love these when your sweet baby has a stomach bug, rotovirus, or a diaper blowout in the crib! You know how it is; you have to take off the bumper pad and untie a zillion ties to get it off, then you have to lift up the heavy mattress and get the sheet off. Then, trying to get the clean sheet on is almost impossible for me with my mattress unless I have help! This crib sheet has a waterproof backing and a soft, cotton top. It simply snaps around the crib slats in six places and lays on top of your pretty crib sheet. To change, just unsnap and replace with bumper pad still in place. I always have at least two to rotate. Retail around $16, but you can find them gently used on Ebay.

My motto is to buy the best quality you can for the lowest price! As you can tell, I love Ebay very much, and it saves me a lot of money (or costs me a lot, depending on how you look at it!).

Roadtrip

Well . . . last weekend we actually got brave and decided to go on a short weekend getaway since we hadn't gone anywhere with the kids all summer. Due to finances, we stayed in state, and we only planned to stay one night in a hotel. I thought, how hard can that be? It's just one night. We should be able to pack light and get everything in one bag.

Wrong.

The van was loaded down by the time Stuart had put in all the stacks of bags that I had filled. Two bags for snacks. One bag of diapers/wipes/baby food stuff. One suitcase for our clothes. One pool bag for the hotel pool which included sunscreen, floaties, 4 bathing suits, and goggles. A cooler to keep drinks cool in the car. A bumbo chair for Arden. A stroller for Arden. A cradle swing for Arden (very huge, but she is still addicted to it). It looked like we were moving instead of going away for one night!

The trip was about a two hour drive, and no, we don't have a DVD player in our van. So, we must have heard, "Are we almost there yet?" about 45 times on the way. We realized that driving with a baby is harder than we remembered because we had to stop to change her poopy diapers and feed her. We also have a baby who (for some reason beyond us) doesn't like to sleep in a moving vehicle! We made it almost an hour, then we already could smell some toxic fumes coming from the back of the van. Her first poopy diaper. We then realized we had brought no empty plastic bags to dispose of them in! Ugh!

Since it was around 100 degrees that day, we were drinking a lot of our cooled drinks which soon made the boys have to take potty breaks too. When we finally arrived at our destination, it was lunch time and much later than we expected. Arden had not slept at all in the car, and she had been awake for 5 1/2 hours straight at this point already, so she was getting a bit cranky.

We checked into the brand new hotel (big mistake thinking that "brand new" would be great!) which took Stuart almost 25 minutes. He later told us that the front desk attendant didn't know how to check him in and that the hotel had just opened a few days earlier.

We finally released the kids from the van into the steamy hot parking lot and began the trek up to the second floor with about 20 bags, Bumbo chair, laptop computer bag, cradle swing, etc. We got Arden down for a nap, but not before we had to change another poppy diaper with still no way to wrap it up in a plastic bag, so it would not continue to stink up the entire room. We decided to sit down in the cool, nicely decorated suite and let the boys watch some tv. We turned on the nice flat screen tv that was larger than my loveseat at home, and there was just static! We then tried the smaller tv in the bedroom -- just static! We called the front desk to find out that they were having some cable tv problems that were being worked on. Ugh!

The next idea was the pool. The boys were restless at this point and had resorted to doing hip-hop dance moves in front of the full length mirror on the wall which was resulting in lots of thuds and stomping on the floor (remember, we're trying to get Arden to sleep). I remember the nice looking outdoor pool, and I walk downstairs to check it out. Unfortunately, the gate to the pool area was padlocked closed, so I inquired about it at the front desk. Like the cable tv, this "brand new" hotel didn't have the pool up and running quite yet, as the chemicals hadn't been checked. So, no swimming. This hotel was beginning to bug me!

We let the boys watch a Veggie Tales DVD on our laptop computer while we sat quietly in the dark living room to give Arden a chance to get a nap. Finally, we embarked on our adventure to explore the city and then get some dinner.

Several poopy diapers later and after an uncomfortable time feeding Arden her bottle on the boppy pillow in the third row of our van, we got back to our hotel. It was getting late, so we decided to put Arden down for the night. The boys were looking forward to catching part of the Hannah Montana concert on Disney Channel, now that the cable appeared to be working again. We called the front desk to remind them that they hadn't delivered the portable crib we'd reserved before our arrival, so we could get Arden to sleep.

They didn't have one. No cribs. According to the front desk, they had not been assembled yet.

It was now approaching 9 p.m. We were all hot, frustrated, and tired. Stuart proceeded to tell the hotel that we were checking out and would not pay for the night since they had no cable tv, no working pool, and now no crib. Arden couldn't sleep on the floor, as she rolls all over the place now.

Luckily, there were very accomodating and got us a nice suite at the Hampton Inn across the road. They even refunded our money for the night, and they paid for the Hampton Inn, so we had no hotel bill at all. However, we had to repack all our items, reload the van, and then unload again at a new hotel at 9 p.m!

The second hotel was great. I took the boys swimming at the indoor pool at 9:30 p.m. while Stuart got Arden to sleep in the crib. There were no more poopy diapers.

We finally fell asleep, exhausted, around midnight.

By the next morning, Hudson had wet the bed, we had run out of clean clothes, and Arden had been up about every hour during the night getting her leg stuck between the slats of the hotel port-a-crib (it had no bumper pad).

It was an exhausting roadtrip, but overall, it was still fun. We took on a challenge and survived. I don't know if we'll do it again anytime soon, but we feel that we accomplished creating some funny memories, and the kids loved every minute of it!

Funny Questions Kids Ask

Lately, the boys have been asking us a lot of questions . . . most of them provide us with a daily dose of humor (though they are serious when they ask!). Here are a few recent ones:

1. Does the Incredible Hulk wear underwear?
2. Why don't we have a butler?
3. Mom, why don't you look like a super model?
4. How did I fit through your belly button to get out?
5. Dad, do you get scared being that tall and being so high up?
6. Mom, why is your skin cracking? (ie: wrinkles)
7. Why is the T-Rex a meat eater?
8. When you get old, does your hair move from your head to your belly?
9. Do you go to jail if you smoke cigarettes?
10. Why don't we have a burning bush like Moses?

What were they thinking?

Boys. I don't understand them. They are impulsive, wild, physical, risk takers. I've taken many parenting Bible studies on how to parent boys. Yes, there was Real Boys, Raising a Modern Day Knight, Wild at Heart, and Bringing up Boys.

I still don't get it.

I try to set boundaries, rules, limits. Once I've set one, they might obey it, but in their boredom, they create a need for a new rule that I never even thought I'd need ("You do not put things in your brother's nose!")

Here are some of my recent experiences where I asked myself, "What were they thinking!?!":

I don't understand why two boys would try to urinate in the toilet at the same time, in some sort of race.

I don't understand why it is an immediate response to run away from Mom when she is stranded with the cumbersome baby stroller behind a set of heavy, double doors and proceed to run up and down all the aisles of the public library.

I don't understand why it is fun to jump on a couch after numerous punishments for doing so.

I don't understand why boys would unbuckle their seatbelts and decide to tackle each other while in a moving vehicle that is going 65 MPH down the highway, resulting in the mother having to pull the car over.

I don't understand why boys jump off the top bunk of a bunkbed to try to land on a beanbag chair.

I don't understand why boys would climb onto the top of our new minivan while it was parked in the garage and pretend it was a mountain.

I don't understand why the couch cushions have to be thrown off the couch every time they play any game.

I don't understand why boys think potty language is so funny.

I don't understand why boys have to take off their shirt and/or their pants when playing indoors.

I don't understand why boys would try to throw the bowling balls at each other when bowling.

I don't understand why boys find it hilarious to chase each other around the house and try to pull the other's shorts down.

I don't understand why every toy becomes a weapon.

I don't understand why there is no indoor voice.

I guess I don't understand because I'm a girl . . . but I'm learning to appreciate the differences!

Now I lay me down to sleep (or not)

Sleep deprivation has been used as a form of torture around the world. It was a tactic favored by the KGB and the Japanese in POW camps during World War II. Victims would be kept up for days on end, either for punishment or for the surrender of wanted information. Symptoms of sleep deprivation include irritability, clumsiness, lack of concentration, memory loss, blurred vision, alternations in appetite, tiredness, headache, and depression. In severe or extended cases, even psychosis or hallucinations can occur. In the popular movie The Bourne Supremacy, agent Jason Bourne was forced to stay awake for multiple days as part of the brainwashing to transform him into an assassin. Even in real life, sleep deprivation has been in the media recently. Actor Heath Ledger was interviewed shortly before his death and complained of problems sleeping while enacting the role of The Joker in the new Batman film. He stated that he could only sleep a couple of hours nightly, and that it had been a problem for some time. A few months later, he was found dead in his apartment from an drug overdose due to the interaction of several prescription drugs, including sleep aids. Doctors ruled the overdose accidental and a likely result of attempting to induce sleep.

Unfortunately, I have always needed a lot of sleep to function well. My ideal night is to sleep uninterrupted from 10 p.m. to 7 a.m. -- a full 9 hours. If I get much less than 6 hours per night on a regular basis, I suffer from irritability, clumsiness, forgetfulness, and a chronic headache. It seems to be genetic, as my entire family seems to require a lot of sleep. When I married Stuart, it was a shock to find that he was an early riser, and I enjoyed sleeping until 10 a.m. on Saturday mornings! Well . . . all that changed when I became a mother.

I can count on one hand all the Saturday mornings that I have slept past 7:30 a.m. in the past six years, and now I have been up in the middle of the night for Arden's feedings for the past 16 weeks and 2 days. That's 114 days with interrupted sleep! Yes, it is beginning to take its toll on me, and I have found myself going through Excedrin bottles every two weeks to dull my chronic headache. I can't remember where I put anything, and sometimes I probably shouldn't be behind the wheel!

Another mom whom I know has told me about how she requires very little sleep -- only 4-5 hours per night. She routinely stays up until 1 or 2 a.m., while her kids are all sleeping, and she can still manage to get them to school on time. She cleans her house, makes handmade cards, scrapbooks, and sews handmade Halloween costumes in the middle of the night. If I were ever envious of someone's ability, it would be this! Ahh, to imagine what I could get done with an extra 4 hours per day while my children were simultaneously asleep! I could scrub my baseboards, purge all our files, plan our menu beyond one day, organize the garage, read my stack of unread novels, or start Arden's baby book before she begins kindergarten. Unfortunately, my body won't let me. The thought of scrapbooking at midnight right now is about as appealing as outpatient surgery!

We hope Arden will soon settle into a routine where she isn't waking to eat in the middle of the night. Every night, I pray that the baby monitor will remain silent and not wake me with screams of urgency at 3 or 4 a.m. I tried letting her "cry it out" this morning when she awoke at 3 a.m., but after 40 minutes, she was still going full force, so I gave up and fed her. She was happy after her feeding, but then I have developed the annoying problem of having insomnia after I am woken up. Arden crashes back into a delicious baby slumber, but I am left staring at my digital alarm clock as it turns 5:20, then 5:45, then 6:10, and then time to rise for the day before I ever get back to sleep.

There is one benefit to my current sleep deprivation: I am ready to be held hostage by the enemy and forced to endure sleep deprivation torture without revealing any top secret information about national security. If our government needs me, I can serve; I've been practicing every night.