Mistake?

It's been a rough couple of days. To be honest, I've spent a lot of time thinking that I just made a big mistake by trying to go back to work. And not only that, but I also let my online teaching job go, and since they have never spoken to me after my resignation, it isn't looking too likely that I can get it back. Tensions are running high in the household at this point.

I don't know if I can keep this up. I keep telling myself that it will get easier, but it's hard right now. I love the teaching part. I have a very manageable schedule and only three classes. My students have been attentive and wonderful, and I think the teaching part would be easy next year once I've gone though planning all the new curriculum once. I'm fine when I'm at school, but it's balancing it with home and family. When do working parents find time to cook, clean, go to Walmart, run errands? I spent all day Saturday doing errands and cleaning, so I haven't had any time to rest this weekend. I was cleaning bathrooms at 10 p.m.!

To top it off, Arden got sick on Friday afternoon and came home from daycare with a runny nose and red-rimmed eyes. By that night, she was running a low fever, and she officially has her first cold. Only one week in daycare and already sick! My mind is racing to how often she will get sick and how I only have 9 sick days to take off work to stay home, and we're not even into the winter flu season yet.

I knew these things when I decided to teach, but it has been a hard reality check when Arden has been crying and cranky for pretty much every waking hour since Friday afternoon. I am home from church with her this morning, and she won't let me out of her sight without going into hysterics. I'm thinking that drop-off at her school tomorrow morning will not be a pretty sight.

I'm discouraged. I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed.

I thought I was following God's leading, and I prayed so hard for Him to close this door if it would be a mistake. I thought it was a sign when the job description was changed exactly to how I prayed. Maybe this will get easier after a month or two.

Please pray for my family and this adjustment. I am committed by contract now to the entire school year, and I'm praying this gets easier on all of us.