It Matters

Last summer ended with a completely random thought on my part about going back into teaching full-time. It was really just a fleeting thought and one which I didn't think would ever result in a job. God knew differently. My one check on the website which revealed a job opening which had just been submitted. Then, a hastily submitted application which felt like it was just for practice. Then, amazingly enough an interview call, and a job offer, all within a week! I was shocked, dazed, excited, and scared. I went through the open door and took a leap of faith. It was the most out of character thing I'd ever done. How did I, who had been a stay-at-home mom for six years, all of a sudden become a working mom within a week? People who knew me were surprised that I suddenly had a job, when I never had mentioned that I was looking. . . because I wasn't. Until that one day, when I decided to apply on a whim.

So, here we are. Already it is the beginning of fourth quarter. I am finally in a good routine with my children at home, and though life is always busy, it is much more manageable. I am thankful my children have been relatively healthy (Arden even more than Hudson which is amazing). My students are incredibly smart . . . sometimes too talkative and social, but that is their only flaw. I am in awe how much they are learning and how much I am learning from them. I actually use the words "juxtaposition" and "allusion" quite frequently, and they understand me! Quite amazing for 7th graders!

God placed me in this role for a reason. I absolutely love teaching. When I get in front of the class, I see so much potential. Discussing The House on Mango Street has been a joy. I am transformed into the world of the Chicago ghetto and am befriending the protagonist Esperanza. I desperately want my students to connect with her and feel her longings, joy, and pain. My classes are making deep interpretations, and I am amazed when they can explain the significance of why the shop was called the "Peter Pan Photo Finishers" or the irony in the title "The Earl of Tennessee." Be still my heart.

I am planning my next unit on film and poetry and anxiously awaiting being able to dissect Star Wars with them as we study archetypes, and I feel like a young child who is waiting for Santa to come.

But the best part is that what I do matters. When I'm exhausted, and my own child is clingy, I still feel like it's worth it. I have 75 kids this year, and it is quite a job to learn about them, to know them, to connect individually. I've gotten comfortable enough to be myself -- to be honest, crazy, and even silly in front of them. We have enough rapport to tackle embarrassing questions, serious issues, real-life topics. I've finally gotten to the point with most of them that we have a relationship, a bond. Now, I have the kids who come and visit me at lunch and during their rewards day free time. They just want to hang out and talk about their lives. I've earned that privilege, and I don't take it lightly. I look back on the past seven months, and I see how far I've come. Now, I know why the door opened, the job was offered, and why I took the chance.

I hope my students remember my stories, my example, and my faith. I want it to matter. I want them to be better people, better citizens, make better choices, have better options because of what they contemplated in my class. I am blessed that each day I get to matter and make a difference.

I can't wait until tomorrow to begin another day of learning, laughing, and talking.

Carpe Diem.