A Kiss and a Prayer

On Thursday, the firetruck came to Arden's preschool/daycare for a themed week that they were doing on community helpers. Fortunately, I had my prep period that day during that exact time in the morning it would be there, so I walked across the parking lot from my junior high building to her school. I wasn't sure how she would act once she saw me since this was the first time I have visited her during the school day and let her know I was there. Usually, I spy on her unseen, so that she won't melt down and think I'm there to pick her up. Sometimes she still has some separation anxiety at drop off (even at church), so I didn't know if I would end up having a crying child to leave behind when it was time for the children to go back to class.

I brought my camera, hoping to get some cute pictures. Arden was already about to be lifted into the firetruck when I arrived. I got some pictures of the group and the outside of the truck before she even noticed me in the crowd. I enjoyed seeing her in her own environment, oblivious to my presence. She was giggling with the other children inside the truck, and I was so amazed at how old she appeared to me all of sudden. She was listening to the teachers, obeying cues, and sitting still.

When Arden did finally see me, it definitely wasn't the reaction that I expected. I thought she would run to me, or she would cry, or she would want to be picked up. None of the above. She waved and said, "Mama," then she turned back to her friends. At first, I felt a bit rejected, but immediately I realized that this is the reaction I was hoping for. She is happy at school. Finally. After attending two daycare locations in just a five week period, she is now getting settled. She feels secure, and we have found a place which is a great fit. She doesn't need me to rescue her, and she is enjoying her day. My prayers were being answered.

When the whole class was posing for a final picture in front of the firetruck, Arden began to hug another boy from the older toddler class. There were three different classes outside, so I didn't recognize him, and I have no idea if Arden had ever seen him before! I thought it was cute to see her giggle and bear hug this little boy, so I whipped out my camera to capture the moment. Just as I snapped the picture, Arden planted a big kiss right on this poor boy's cheek! I can't believe I caught it on film when I wasn't even trying. It was a hilarious sight to see.

After the final picture, the teachers began to lead the kids back into the building to get ready for lunch. The fireman was waving goodbye as the little toddlers trudged toward the front doors with their red, plastic fireman hats in tow, and I didn't know what Arden's reaction would be. Would she run back to me and think we were going home? Would she cry? Would they have to carry her inside kicking and screaming? Once again, she surprised me. She lined up with her other friends and ran towards the door willingly. I stepped back out of sight and watched her from behind a parked car. She never looked back.

And there was a smile on her face the whole time.

A Week of the Flu

I keep thinking that one of these weeks will be normal. This last one wasn't it.

Stuart started feeling bad on Monday afternoon, and by the middle of the night he was deathly ill. On Monday morning, he had a high fever and called in sick to work. I went on to school and took care of getting the children to their schools. Stuart called me at 4:00 and told me that he had just been to the doctor, and that was a surprise since he usually never goes voluntarily. He said he progressively felt worse during the day and thought he might have pneumonia or something. It turns out he had the H1N1 flu.

Stuart has been home sick all week. He is slowly recovering, but it is almost as if when some symptoms get better, then he gets other ones. I am hopeful he can go back to work on Monday, but it is still touch and go. My week was spent identifying with single, working mothers who have no other adult to help them. Stuart remained quarantined in our guest bedroom for the better part of the week, so he wouldn't infect the rest of us. I began taking Tamiflu, but our pediatrician didn't think it was indicated for the children. Plus, the liquid form for the young kids that had to be compounded was over $180 for their prescriptions.

I have used so many Clorox wipes this week that I don't think I'll ever like the smell of them again. So far, no one else is sick, although Owen is dragging tonight and felt a little warm. I am hoping he doesn't wake up tomorrow with the full blown flu.

Needless to say, it was a long week. However, we have survived many things already in the 4 weeks since school has started, and I reentered the classroom. We've had Stuart's dad get diagnosed with cancer. Arden got the flu. Stuart got the flu (worse than Arden). I pulled Arden out of the first daycare, and I am now trying out #2. I hope it slows down now. I don't want to be burned out by Thanksgiving.

The positive side of this week was Arden's transition to her new daycare. She seems to like it so much more, and I have been thrilled with it this past week. She never cried a single time at drop off, and they have said she is happy all day. She has done crafts, painting, had storytime, and made a new friend "Chessa." I have visited her every day on my prep period or lunch and gotten to spy on her. I enjoyed seeing her sitting at the table with her hands folded while the teacher read the boys and girls a picture book. She looked so grown up and attentive! There have only been 5-6 other children with her all week, and she wasn't bitten once! So far, she is also healthy after one week there. I'm praising God for this bright spot in our week! I spent some time this morning going around to our neighborhood garage sales and was able to pick up more board books for her daycare classroom, as I am trying to help stock it full with good books. They have some books, and I am pleased to see how much the teachers read with the children. I want to help make more books accessible to her and the other children there, especially since literacy is my teaching area! Luckily, I can usually always get lots of books for .25 to .50 cents at garage sales or my favorite thrift store.

Please continue to pray for our family's health and that none of the kids get the flu.

Shopping Ups and Downs

The Rhea Lana sale ended, and I am loving my 65 items which I bought for Arden and Owen. I should have looked for some jeans for Hudson, now that I actually pulled out my bins of Owen's old clothes from the attic. Oh well. It was a crazy night to shop since Arden was sick, and Stuart was trying to take her and the boys to the pediatrician. I sold all but 5 items of the 125 items which I put in, and I cleared over $300 profit. That made me feel like the effort was worth it (not to mention that it allowed me to shop at the presale). If you haven't consigned or shopped at the large children's consignment sales in your area, you really need to try it. Yes, it is crowded. Yes, you will have to plan to stand in line for a long time (I heard over an hour in the Little Rock Rhea Lana, but I only waited in line 20 minutes in Rogers). I averaged around $5.00 per item for each of the 65 items which I purchased, and they were all name brands like Gymboree, Children's Place, Gap,and Stride Rite. I only spent $60 above what I earned in selling my old clothes. Yep, that is only $60 for my children's entire fall wardrobe!! Any odds and ends or more shoes for Arden will be filled in with used items off Ebay throughout the winter.

Now, I wish I could go to a great consignment sale for clothing for me! I have lived in shorts, jeans, and yoga pants for the better part of the past six years as a SAHM. Now, I am teaching again, and we are only allowed to wear jeans with the school shirt on designated "spirit days." I literally own three pairs of pants that fit me right now! So, I went shopping on Sunday to find some pants, and two hours later I came home with one pair and $60 less in the bank. I am very hard to fit in pants. Yes, I am skinny and can't help that. It's genetic and nothing I try to attain. In fact, I purposefully have to eat ice cream or high calorie foods daily to keep up with my metabolism, or I would become downright gaunt if I don't pay attention! I just have a hard time keeping weight on. The negative side to my figure (or lack thereof) is that I have a long waist, short legs, and no curves. Most pants gap hugely at the waistband if they fit my hips because I have a small waist. The few pants that do fit me are often styled to the tastes of a teenager and are cut way too low or tight for someone who is 39, a teacher, and a mother of three. The pants I just bought were a 2 petite at Ann Taylor. They only had THREE entire pairs of pants in the entire store in my size! Two were too low on the waistband, so I left with one pair. I tried Gap, Banana Republic, and White House/Black Market, and very few people make pants in my size or stock more than one pair since the demand is low. If they do, then they must be sized for models who are 5'11 because they will be 35 inches in the inseam and require hemming and alterations. I'm trying to avoid paying for that after the ridiculous prices of the pants to begin with! It is frustating. So, I will probably get online and order this exact pair of Ann Taylor pants in two more colors. It's hard to be fashionable when you can't get clothing that fits. Too bad I'm not Arden; I could have had 65 items for the price of my one pair of pants!

Appearances can be deceiving

Whew, what a week it has been!

One big thing happened this week; I'm moving Arden to a different daycare. Yep, only three weeks into it, and I just don't feel that it will get better . . . or better fast enough. Basically, I just think that she can't handle a room with 14 toddlers in it, even though they have two teachers, and it meets the state ratio of at least 7:1 (or something like that). Overall, fourteen kids means more aggression, more fighting, more biting, and more germs.

So, I am leaving the fancy castle daycare with its security systems, doors with codes, wooden floors, indoor climbing room, and luxurious playgrounds for a much more modest center that is run by my school district and right next door (as in I can walk there in 2 minutes) from my junior high. They share a parking lot, in fact. She might not have the newest building with the turrets on top, but hopefully she will be taken care of better. That's what counts, you know? I got suckered in by appearances because the other facility wooed me with its poshness. The BMWs parked in front helped reassure me that the rich people wouldn't settle for mediocre care. However, in Arden's situation, it just hasn't been a good fit. I tried to overlook some of the disorganization of the room and the fact that every day I had to hunt for all her belongings that were strewn all over the room. But then, it started. Yep, seven bad bites in four days was pretty bad. It was worse that the teachers never even noticed it happened.Every day, I saw the bad bites and had to report them. Then, she got the flu this week and has been out since Tuesday. So, I had had enough.

I had visited this other center earlier, and it was down to these two when I made my original choice. I revisited it today, and I see so many more benefits to it now. The class has six kids! That, in itself, is enough to jump up and down for. Hopefully, she won't be eaten alive there, or at least the occasional bite will be noticed and cared for. Also, we are hoping she will get sick less often with less kids in the room.

I don't know for sure if I'm making the right choice, and so much of her experience can't be known until you actually start attending the program. One person's good experience doesn't mean that your experience will be the same based on your child's personality and the individual teachers. I wouldn't say that her former school was bad for every child in every room there, but it wasn't good for her. From what I know, I love the new teacher, and I can walk over every day on my prep period or lunch to check on her. Believe me, I will. This teacher does art and various craft projects with the kids every day and has student's artwork on the walls. Why didn't I notice that before instead of only seeing the age of the older walls?

I'm learning that appearance isn't everything. What is beautiful on the outside is often shallow and deceiving. What matters is the heart, in all circumstances. I need to work on that one too. But for now, I'm praying that the heart of this new school is better for my little girl.

Cancer

During this past week, Stuart's best friend and Stuart's father were both diagnosed with cancer. Needless to say, it has been an emotionally draining week for Stuart.

Please pray for them, as their doctors decide the best course of treatment. We are praying that both of them can have a full recovery from this disease. I can't believe how many people that I am close to have been affected by this disease in just the past few years. My own father died of cancer two years ago, and my mother has battled cancer this year. One of my childhood friends lost her mother to breast cancer at the same time that I lost my dad, and now her brother-in-law has pancreatic cancer that is terminal. Stuart has also had another close friend who was in our wedding be diagnosed with cancer and have surgery and chemo this past year. I feel that I am constantly hearing of new cases, and it is so sad. Ironically, both Owen's and Hudson's namesakes were Stuart's two friends who have both been diagnosed this year.

Please pray for Stuart's dad and our close friend, as well as any other people that you know who are battling this disease.

Adapting

I have now finished one more week with students, and it completed my first full month back at work (with inservices and meetings for many days prior to students). The boys have had 1 1/2 weeks in their new school, and Arden has finished two weeks in daycare. It is amazing that every single one of us was beginning a new school adventure at the same time! Now we just need Stuart to go back to school, ha!

This week had its ups and downs with Arden, but the rest of the family is adjusting well. The boys love their new school and teachers, and they are coming home with stories about fun things they are learning and new friends that they are meeting. Both of them like the after-school program which they attend for 1 hour until my school releases, and I can drive over to pick them up. They have made friends, and both of them think it's fun to have an extra 30 minutes on the playground and a snack in the cafeteria after school. Thankfully, they don't have to stay there very long. I think they are adjusting well to the school routine.

Arden has had a cold this week, and her regular teacher at her preschool was out sick for three days this week. That made for a rough time for her since she didn't feel great and had different caregivers as subs each day. We had some issues with her being bitten several times this week, but I have talked to the director every day, and it appears to be under more careful supervision now. I have been inspecting her from head-to-toe before I leave with her, since her bites had not been noticed by the teachers. Luckily, yesterday was a good day with no problems. Arden seems to slowly be adjusting to her routine, and she had two good days with waking up without melting down on Thursday and Friday (she's like her mama and is NOT a morning person!). She was happier and less cranky in the evenings during the last two days also, so I am praying that she will soon feel comfortable in the schedule. I am on a waiting list for another preschool that is highly rated and seems like it might be the best one in this area. I actually know someone from church whose son is Arden's exact age and in the class she would be in, and they love it. The mom is also on the board of directors, too. However, she is #31 on the waiting list for her age, and it looks like 12-18 months to get in! It is like that with many childcare centers here.

I do like my job, so that is a blessing. My students are getting in a routine and are very friendly and obedient. I don't have any students that seem to be a handful, and only a few have some academic deficiencies. I am teaching mainly pre-AP (honors) students, and I really enjoy that. I still feel a bit overwhelmed with all the new curriculum, but my lessons are going well. I'd just like to get a few weeks ahead in my planning, so I am not planning day-to-day. I know that will come in time, and if I continue in this job, that would be much easier after the first year. This year, I am teaching all new literature titles that I've never taught before, so I knew it would be a lot more preparation. I'm thankful that I like my time while I am at the school, and the time flies by since I am so busy that I can barely chew for lunch!

We are going to enjoy a calm and quiet weekend at home with the kids, and I don't even think I'll do any cleaning!

Mistake?

It's been a rough couple of days. To be honest, I've spent a lot of time thinking that I just made a big mistake by trying to go back to work. And not only that, but I also let my online teaching job go, and since they have never spoken to me after my resignation, it isn't looking too likely that I can get it back. Tensions are running high in the household at this point.

I don't know if I can keep this up. I keep telling myself that it will get easier, but it's hard right now. I love the teaching part. I have a very manageable schedule and only three classes. My students have been attentive and wonderful, and I think the teaching part would be easy next year once I've gone though planning all the new curriculum once. I'm fine when I'm at school, but it's balancing it with home and family. When do working parents find time to cook, clean, go to Walmart, run errands? I spent all day Saturday doing errands and cleaning, so I haven't had any time to rest this weekend. I was cleaning bathrooms at 10 p.m.!

To top it off, Arden got sick on Friday afternoon and came home from daycare with a runny nose and red-rimmed eyes. By that night, she was running a low fever, and she officially has her first cold. Only one week in daycare and already sick! My mind is racing to how often she will get sick and how I only have 9 sick days to take off work to stay home, and we're not even into the winter flu season yet.

I knew these things when I decided to teach, but it has been a hard reality check when Arden has been crying and cranky for pretty much every waking hour since Friday afternoon. I am home from church with her this morning, and she won't let me out of her sight without going into hysterics. I'm thinking that drop-off at her school tomorrow morning will not be a pretty sight.

I'm discouraged. I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed.

I thought I was following God's leading, and I prayed so hard for Him to close this door if it would be a mistake. I thought it was a sign when the job description was changed exactly to how I prayed. Maybe this will get easier after a month or two.

Please pray for my family and this adjustment. I am committed by contract now to the entire school year, and I'm praying this gets easier on all of us.